Once Upon a Tequila Shot
by IAmKayakHearMeRoar
Summary: The strip was pink, as were Lorelai's cheeks, her newly bought baby jumpers, and the flowers at Rory and Logan's wedding, but the question remains as to whose baby it is. Slightly AU in parts. Rated T if only for alcohol.
1. You Look Like a Hobo

**AN: Hello, there. This is my first fanfiction, though I've been reading it for a few months, so bear with me here. I feel the need to state that this is slightly AU. Instead of saying no, Rory said yes. After the kiss in the finale, Lorelai and Luke got back together and actually got married, because we all know they should. It's kind of AU because Lorelai and Chris never got married or had that weird romance after Lorelai and Luke broke off the engagement. This is mainly because April does not exist.**

**_The italics are flashbacks, thoughts, or just emphasis._**

**I would love your reviews to let me know how I'm doing, and, as I said before, I'm new at this. It would be very kind of any of you to give me any advice you can. Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything affiliated with Gilmore Girls. But, oh how I wish I was...**

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_It was the engagement party. The Lorelai Gilmore, Miss Independent, was soon to be very much attached, in only two weeks in fact. And she couldn't be happier about it. If she only didn't have to suffer through the next 4 hours of frivolous, mindless chatter that she hated so much. If she only didn't have to suffer through the next 4 hours of her mother._

"_Lorelai, stand up straighter, you look like a hobo."_

"_A hobo? Mom, do you even know what a hobo is?" Lorelai took another swig of her champagne._

"_Of course I know what a hobo is, now go mingle. This is your party, you need to act like a polite hostess." Emily took the champagne flute out of Lorelai's hand. "And stop drinking so much, people will think you're an alcoholic."_

"_First of all, this is your party. I didn't even want to come. And second of all, I had a kid at 16, they all think I'm trash anyway." She grabbed for the flute, but her mother and a very tight grip on it._

"_Go. Mingle. I will not tell you again." And with that, Emily Gilmore turned on her heel and walked away from her now very annoyed daughter._

"_Heil Hitler," Lorelai mumbled under her breath._

"_I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. You shouldn't mumble under your breath like that, people will think your mumbling profanities. And straighten your back. And polish your shoes. And stick your left foot in, and stick your left foot out. Now shake it all about."_

"_Chris! I didn't think you'd make it. By the way, your Emily Gilmore impression is uncanny. And highly disturbing." The two hugged and Christopher handed her his champagne._

"_You look like you could use this more than I could."_

"_You have no idea. I don't think this night could get much worse."_

Worse is a very relative term. Luckily for Lorelai, she couldn't remember much after that.

………………………………

* * *

"I can't believe my daughter got married before me. My daughter! You did it just to embarrass me, didn't you?" Lorelai and Rory sat on the floor of the Twickam house, aka Lorelai and Luke's new home. They were going to convert Lorelai's old house into a more spacious home, to fit the both of them, but then Lorelai found out she was pregnant. They decided they need a bigger home to fit them and the new Danes-ling.

"Yeah, mom, I did it to embarrass you." Rory took a Malamar from the bowl in front of her while half-listening to the Michael Jackson 'Bad' CD playing in the background.

"I knew it. After all of the years I fed you, and clothed you, you stab me in the back. You spent years getting close to me, making me love you, just waiting for the moment I was at my weakest. I can't believe this."

"Mom, you're pregnant. I'm pretty sure now would be the time you're at the weakest." She grabbed another handful.

"Yeah, well. You never know how the criminal mind really works."

"Uh huh," Rory deadpanned, eager to change the subject. "How about we stay on topic."

"Oh right! How about Heaven?"

"It's pretty, mom, but what if it's a boy?"

Lorelai paused for a split second, then said, "Heav-o."

"Mom."

"Fine. Oh I know! How about Prince?" Lorelai's eyes lit up while Rory's eyes matched her 'you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me' face.

"Okay, I think that's enough MJ for you," the younger Gilmore Girl said as she replaced the King of Pop with The La's.

"Rory! I was preparing to get my Dirty Diana on!" Lorelai yelled, throwing a Malamar at her daughter while wearing a mock pout.

"Well, mom, I'm sorry. Naming your kid is a serious subject and next you would've thrown Billie Jean into the mix. You can't wait until the last minute again, the name Lorelai 2.0 has already been taken," Rory chastised as she ate the Malamar that had recently been chucked at her.

"Yes, but neither of us are Gilmores now! Well not technically, anyway. This one will be Lorelai Danes 2.0!"

"You're not going to go all George Foreman on me and name all of your kids after you, right?"

"It could be Lorelai Michael! You know, like Michael Jackson. He did give all of his kids the middle name of Michael, didn't he? Even Paris?"

"Paris! I totally forgot! I'm meeting Paris for coffee in 15 minutes, I've got to go. And yes, they all had the middle name of Michael." Rory began bustling about the new living room, retrieving all of her items that she needed to leave.

"I was right! And, Paris, with coffee? Do you really think that's safe? That's like handing a murderer a gun and saying, 'Please don't shoot me." And I thought you were the smart one."

"It must have been that year in San Francisco. Dumbed me down a bit." After Rory and Logan had married, they moved to San Francisco as originally planned, but Logan soon had the choice to stay on in California or move to New York. Rory, eager to be close to her mother again, easily convinced her husband that the latter was the best choice. "Bye, Mom."

"Beat it."

"Really? I thought we were over the MJ references."

"Well we didn't make a pact!"

"Honestly."

"I'm sorry, I can't control myself. It's just The Way You Make Me Feel." There was no stopping her now.

"I'm surprised you didn't Blame It on the Boogie," Rory quipped. Two can play this game.

"Yeah, well…I'm out," Lorelai deadpanned as she used the last of her Jackson puns.

"Well at least you didn't stop 'til you got enough."

"I thought you were leaving," Lorelai said as she began pushing her daughter out the door.

"Hey, don't push! You Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'?"

"I thought you'd be okay as long as you were Off the Wall."

"Okay, that one was stretching it a bit."

"Well I couldn't think of anything else, and you were whipping them out like nobody's business. How did you even know all of those? We only own, like, 2 CDs."

"I had a troubled childhood."

"Okay, now you can go."

"Bye." And with that, Rory left, leaving Lorelai Gilmore-Danes alone, which everyone knows is a bad idea.

* * *

Luke Danes came home after a long day of stupid customers, crazy Caesar, and an even crazier Kirk to the craziest of them all. In a good way, of course.

"Do I want to know?" He asked is wife, picking up the playing card at his feet. It would have been the ace of spades, but it was from Lorelai's Dirty Poker Deck, so it did not have the traditional picture in the middle of the card. The deck, which she had once gotten as a party favor at a bridal shower, had pictures of various body parts and pieces of lingerie in the center. It was Lorelai's favorite.

"Well, Rory left me alone, and I got bored," Lorelai stated simply while standing on her tip toes atop a step ladder.

"So you decided to get out every deck of cards we own and make The World's Largest House of Cards? I didn't even know we owned this many decks."

"This is not any house of cards, this is _the _deck of cards. It's Neverland!"

"Yeah. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm more confused now than I was when I walked in." He walked towards the monstrosity, periodically bending over to pick up stray cards.

"Well Rory and I were discussing names for the baby, and there was this whole Michael Jackson thing, and, like I said, she left and I got bored and this happened." Lorelai stopped to take a breath.

"So you mean the Michael Jackson 'Neverland', not the Peter Pan 'Neverland'."

"Correct."

"Uh huh." _This is why I don't ask questions._ "Well I'm going to go make dinner. Do you have any cravings? You should sit down, your feet will start hurting soon."

"If by soon you mean in a few months, yeah. They're going to start hurting soon. Hon, I love how excited you are for this baby, but, unlike you, I've been around this block before. Done!" She stepped back to observer her handiwork.

3 hours and 10 decks of cards had resulted in a _very miniature_ scale of Michael Jackson's 'Neverland', with special attention to detail.

"Lorelai, that's amazing. If only you used your powers for good, you might surprise yourself."

"Is that so?" She began moving closer to him.

"Yes, it can be very satisfying." He smiled as she grabbed his hand in hers.

"That definitely calls for a 'dirty'," She laughed as he closed the small gap between them with a tender kiss.

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**AN: Okay, I didn't really end up liking that one that much but hopefully that's just because it is kind of an introduction. Gotta get the ball rolling. I tried to capitalize all of the Michael Jackson song references, but the 'making a pact' thing is from I'll Be There and 'didn't stop til you got enough' was from Don't Stop Til You Get Enough. You should check them out, they're the bomb diggity. A little Paris coming later! She's always fun. And, once again, any advice you have for me as a newbie, please share! One piece would be on how to work the divider thing, because the ones there were accidentally there when I uploaded this from my computer. So, please please please review! **

**Love always,**

**IAmKayakHearMeRoar**


	2. You've Lost Weight

**AN: So, we star with a little Paris action today. Just so everyone's clear on the timeline: Last chapter started with a flashback to Lorelai's engagement party, two weeks before the wedding. Then it flashed to about three weeks after the wedding. This puts her at about 5 weeks along. I want to thank those who reviewed on the last chapter, and to Gilmoregirl19 especially for helping me out. I think I got it down now. And this chapter should answer the question as to the title. So please read, enjoy, and review!**

**_Italics are flashbacks._**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, Pop-Tarts, Oreos, or Bagel Bites.**

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"What do you mean you don't have these scones in cinnamon? Every coffee shop worth a crap has scones in cinnamon. Oh, just walk away, that'll solve the problem. Yeah I'm talking to you, buddy!" The angry voice met Rory at the door of _The Coffee Shop_. "Well, how can this shop be worth a crap? You didn't even give it a real name! Rory, thank goodness. I could feel my brain dying from idiocy overdose."

"Hi, Paris." Rory didn't dare ask how Paris was doing, so she stepped up to the counter to order instead. "I'd like a venti caramel macchiato with an extra shot and whip cream."

"That'll be $6.87."

"Oh, so you have that, but not cinnamon scones? What kind of place is this?"

Rory tried to intervene before Paris got too wound up.

"So, Paris, what have you been up to lately?"

"Well, I've been wanting to tell you, but I decided to wait until our weekly meeting." Paris held up her left hand, which was now graced with a large, beautiful diamond. "Doyle and I are getting married!"

"Paris, that's great!"

Doyle and Paris had continued dating after graduation, and now, a little over a year later, they were apparently tying the knot. Because Paris had continued on to Yale medical school and Rory obviously hadn't, the two decided to begin a weekly ritual: every Thursday at 5:00 the pair would meet at a different coffee shop in New York City, rating each one so they could find a favorite. New York has a lot of coffee shops, thus the search was still going.

"Have you set a date yet?" Rory asked, grapping her coffee cup. "Yum. I give this one at least an 8."

"Well, my mom wants to basically plan the whole thing. We're still arguing about that, but at this rate it will be at least two years from now." Paris took a sip of her black coffee. "The coffee's alright, but I'm deducting points for not having cinnamon scones.

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Back in her spacious penthouse, Rory Gilmore-Huntzberger laid back in her leather recliner, waiting for her husband to get home.

Thirty minutes into The Notebook she heard her front door open. "Honey, I'm home." Logan stuck his blonde head around the corner and flashed his signature smirk at her. "I saw that on TV and I've always wanted to say it."

She laughed as he walked towards her. He kissed her and asked how her day had been.

"Great! After work I went to see my mom, then had my date with Paris. She and Doyle are getting married."

"Finally. I thought they would have a year ago," he said as he poured himself a scotch.

"Well, you can never really expect anything with the two of them." She watched as he drained his cup. "Tough day? Why did Mitchum make you stay late this time?"

"Same old, same old. HPG is expanding. Again."

"Where to?"

"Somewhere in Florida." He poured himself another glass.

Rory watched him down the entire glass before saying, "So how long are you going to be gone?"

"Two weeks. Mitchum will be gone for a month, though."

Rory chuckled at the slight enthusiasm in his voice. ":He can be a bit much, but he's been good to us."

After Logan and Rory got married, Mitchum decided that Logan was responsible enough to become a full partner at HPG. Mitchum also supplied Rory with the features column at the New York Times, Rory's dream job.

"I know. In fact, he's been very good." Logan sat down in the chair next to Rory's. "He's so pleased with how you're doing he wants to promote you to editor."

Rory's eyes immediately lit up and she let out a little squeal of delight. "Now way! That's amazing!" But then she stopped short. "What about Marissa, my editor now?": Rory liked her editor, and didn't want to find out Marissa had lost her job because of Rory.

"Apparently she's moving to Ohio, or Iowa or something. Rory, I'm so proud of you. You really deserve this. And to celebrate, I'm taking you out to Bartello's."

"Bartello's? Fancy. Let me grab my coat and purse and we'll go." She paused and squealed again. "I can't believe I'm going to be the editor of the New York Times!"

Logan laughed and proceeded to take an ecstatic Rory out to a highly overpriced dinner.

* * *

Two weeks later Rory was, once again, visiting her mother in Stars Hollow. This time they were having one of their infamous movie nights.

"So where is Luke again?" Rory asked while the Bagel Bites were heating up.

"Oh, you know, doing manly things. Nailing and sawing and using a Philips-head whatever," Lorelai responded as she waited for the Pop-Tarts to finish toasting.

"So you told him our movie them was babies?"

"Yep. Then he got his toolbox and got upstairs as fast as possible." Lorelai picked up her tray of Pop-Tarts, donuts, and Oreos as Rory carefully placed the Bagel Bites on her tray already covered with tater tots. They proceeded to head into the living room, where the coffee table was already littered with unhealthy snacks.

Lorelai proceeded to go down her list. "Okay. Snackage, check. Blanket, check. Movies, check." She and Rory settled into the couch and Lorelai held up two DVD's. "_Baby Mama_ or _Juno_ first?"

"_Juno._" Rory grabbed a Pop-Tart and began to nibble on it.

"A teenage girl becomes pregnant, becoming the scandal of her school. Why does that sound so familiar?" Lorelai said as she stuck the disc in and sat again next to her daughter.

About 40 minutes in Lorelai paused the movie and turned to her daughter. "Rory, there's something I have to tell you."

"Okay." Rory turned to her mother and, seeing her serious face, laid her Pop-Tart down. "Alright, I'm ready."

Lorelai bit her lip. "It's about the baby."

Rory's expression immediately turned to concern. "What is it? Is everything okay? Do you need me to get you something?"

"No, the baby's fine. It's just…" Lorelai hesitated, working up the courage to say the words. "I'm not sure the baby is Luke's."

Rory sat in silence, allowing this information to sink in. "What do you mean you're not sure. Is it or isn't it?" Rory realized her words sounded a little harsh, but she couldn't help it.

"Well. Here's what happened." Lorelai then commenced the retelling of what exactly happened the night of her engagement party.

* * *

_Lorelai left Christopher to visit the open bar. She passed an uncomfortable looking Luke as he talked shop or golf or whatever he was talking about with two of her father's friends._

_She turned to the bartender and said, "One shot of tequila, please." She downed it as a gaggle of DAR members approached her._

"_Lorelai, you look fabulous! So does that darling Rory, just gorgeous. We just saw her over with that handsome Huntzberger husband of hers," a blonde haired woman cooed._

"_Thank you, Mrs. Livingston. You're looking pretty good yourself." Lorelai was already tired of this meaningless conversation, but Mrs. Livingston and her harem appeared perfectly content._

"_Nonsense, Lorelai. You don't appear. To have aged a day since I saw you last. When was that again?" Mrs. Livingston turned to the brunette next to her, and Lorelai braced herself for the back hand compliments she sensed were coming her way._

"_Oh, she must have been 16, Clara. But some things have changed since then." The group's eyes collectively traveled to Lorelai's stomach. Lorelai kept her fake smile in place._

_It was Mrs. Livingston's turn to pipe up again. "Well you've lost weight."_

_Lorelai, not able to stand the conversation any longer, replied with a sarcastic, "Yes, well giving birth will do that to you."_

_The society women, looking offended, walked away muttering to each other in hushed tones._

_Lorelai turned to the bartender once again and said, "I'm going to need another shot. And keep 'em coming."_

* * *

"I don't really remember a whole lot after that." Lorelai paused in anticipation for her daughter's response.

"But you're sure you, you know, conceived that night?"

"Yes! It was at my parent's house. All I remember about the guy was dark hair. Brown or black, the memory is a little fuzzy."

"Well that's good, I guess. It could still be Luke." Rory picked up her Pop-Tart once more, a sign that she had calmed ever so slightly.

"Yeah, or a lot of other people. Chris has brown hair. Half of my dad's friends have brown hair. Oh no, what if it's one of my dad's friends? Lorelai was growing increasingly alarmed.

"Mom, I doubt you made a baby with one of grandpa's business partners. And thank you for the scarring mental image."

The Gilmore girls sat in silence for a few moments, rare for them.

"So I guess we should finish our movie now," Lorelai said lamely.

"I guess."

The two turned back to the television, but neither were really watching it.

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**AN: So, what did you think? Please, please, please, review! Thanks for reading!**

**Love Always,**

**IAmKayakHearMeRoar**


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